Ways to console someone who is grieving.

Great Article points to 11 things you can do to help.

This article here is a combination of the article I’m referencing and my personal experience, which mirrors the ideas in the article.

This is a great article. It may not make sense to someone who has not dealt with the loss of a friend, but the ideas can work for anyone who is having a hard time.

1. Don’t be afraid to mention the deceased friend’s name. It may bring on an onslaught of tears, but you can’t think that by not saying the deceased name, they either no longer existed or will be forgotten any quicker.
2. Offer hope. The saying time heals all wounds is correct. You need to provide your friend with encouragement that things will get better.

3. Call on the phone. Picking up the phone and making phone calls not just the first day or week but for the next several weeks or months is important. Do not use phrases such as “its God’s will” or such, unless the grieving person mentions these ideologies first. Sympathy or empathy after everyone else has stopped calling is important.

4. Write a note. In these times of being green and saving paper holiday cards and letters are following the dinosaurs. However, a handwritten note to someone who is grieving can mean the world. It is something to re-read or hold on to when the phone calls have stopped.

5. Help out. Be specific, a general what do you need will receive a general nothing response. Specifically say, I’m going to clean up, or I’ll be back with groceries and then do it. Spending time and dealing with phone calls is immensely valuable. Having to repeat the bad news when you are grieving to everyone who calls is wearing.

6. Be sensitive to religious or cultural differences. We all grieve differently and many times religion comes back into a person’s life when they lose someone. Cultural, ethnic or family traditions may also play a role in how a person deals with grief. Be aware and never criticize these issues no matter your own opinion. They are valuable and provide an immense amount of support for someone who is grieving.

7. Schedule activities or make a date. Low impact low stress activities are great for moving forward. Set up specific times and goals and do them with your friend. Going for a walk or watching a movie forces someone out of their cocoon and back into the real world. Again be sensitive but being there and doing something has great value.

8. Listen don’t advise. Listen, talking is a great way to deal with the stress of a loved one who dies. Being a good friend who can listen and be comforting is invaluable. At the same time, do not offer advice. No matter what your personal situation, it is not identical to your friends. I always tell people who have lost a spouse not to make any major decisions for one year. Decisions made based on grief, immediate financial concerns or a feeling of isolation or loss are never the right ones. Give grief time.

9. Don’t be afraid to express your own feelings. There is nothing wrong in sharing your feelings about your loss also. Even saying “I don’t know what to say” is good. You need the release as much as your friend. Sharing your emotions will help. Just remember you are there to support your friend or acquaintance, not to become the one needing support.

10. Deal with the anger. Many times the loss of a loved one triggers anger or resentment. If you are the subject of that do not fight back or respond negatively. More often than not, it is an emotion, not truly an issue. Waiting for the anger to subside and dealing with it gently or later can be effective for both of you.
 
11. Keep your promises. Do not abandon the person. If you say you are going to do something, do it. If you say you are going to be there, be there early. Nothing is worse than feeling abandoned due to the death of a loved one and then feeling the same with your friends. Being there can mean the world to someone who is left floating in an emotional void with no idea where to go or how to get there. Make sure you do not add to the void.

The 11 ideas in the article are great. They focus on being there for the person. Listen, help and don’t just provide lip service. We will all need this from our friends at some time.

These tips can be used by anyone at any time. Effectively dealing with several of these ideas can allow a trip which has suffered a fatality to compose itself, deal with the situation and move on with the problems at hand.

See 11 ways to comfort someone who’s grieving

What do you think? Leave a comment.

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